Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I kidnapped a couple kids...

OK.  Maybe this is only partly true.  I did pull up to a couple kids at the bus stop and yell, "get in the car if you want to live."  (In an Arnold Schwarzenegger like voice.)  The other half is, that I knew they were their because their mother asked me to pick them up and the kidnapping was really only temporary.  They had an 8:00 curfew.

I went to the bus stop.  The older kid was there waiting on his younger brother.  I told Older* to get in the car.  We waited.  We waited almost half an hour.  I asked Older, how long do we wait for the bus before we start to worry.  He replies, no need to worry, my mom is already on the phone with the school.  Finally, 30 minutes late, the bus with Younger* shows up.

We are now 35 minutes late to the educational opportunity (improv for kids class) where I am supposed to be taking them.  But a kid's gotta eat right after school, so off to Taco Bell we go.  The kids mother had told me some things about dietary restrictions and what they can and cannot eat.  I pray the kids remember and will not try to trick me.  I feared they would eat what they were allergic to just to trick me so I had to take them to the hospital or vet or something.  They didn't, they were cool.  But ordering was like some kind of master mind puzzle.  Extra this, not that, extra this, add this completely random thing, and take that off etc, etc, etc.  Younger had to repeat his order to me three times before I thought I understood enough to repeat it to the drive thru teller.  I think I got it mostly right.  Younger took the receipt with the survey at the bottom.  He agreed he would split the prize with me if he won.  I would get $9 (to cover dinner) and he would get the rest.  Not sure if he won.  Like many dates, I never heard from him again.

The kids are in the backseat talking in some kinda code and eating Taco Bell.  Like a fool, I ask them to explain to me what they are talking about.  They are talking about some gamer stuff I don't understand and about all these people who make a living making YouTube videos.  (Idea for my next job?)  I can't believe what I am hearing.  What are you talking about?  They change the subject.  Apparently Younger has a girlfriend.  Say what?  This is unacceptable I tell him.  When you left your house, you were innocent and when I bring you back you won't be.  He says not to worry, this is not his first girlfriend.  I ask him, what does it mean to you to have a girlfriend.  He said real cool like, we hold hands and stuff.  Well that's good to hear.  Glad it is not something more dangerous.  His brother wants to know the details on how he asked her.  It went something like this.

Younger's Friend To Girl: "So Younger likes you."
Younger To Friend: "I can't believe you told her that.  What did she say?"
Younger's Friend to Younger: "She said she would let you know before class."
And that is how young loves starts.

I take them to the improv class.  On the way back, I asked them what they thought of the class.  I got a lot of "it's okay, I guess" and other grumblings.  But when I got them back to their mom, they couldn't stop talking about it.  They were really excited.  Those little bastards lied to me!

Overall it was a fun experience.  Having kids seems to be a lot of work and worry.  My friend's kids are really well behaved so I didn't have too much problems with them.  But I kept worrying about school buses, dietary restrictions, seatbelts, sex (well maybe that is an exaggeration.)  How do parents do it?  No wonder you can never go out, you have to much other stuff going on.  Props to all parents.  Shaping young minds is hard work.

Are you a parent?  Tell me how you do it?  It seems like a lot of work to me!!

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.  But I don't really think they are all that innocent.