Friday, March 7, 2014

So you're unemployed are you?

Being unemployed is loads of fun.  And for reasons, I will never understand, it gives people a free license to say really stupid things to you.  Below are a list of my favorites thus far.

  • Are you looking for a new job?
    • Nah... At 33, I felt it was an appropriate time to retire.

  • Is that your meltdown haircut.  I got a haircut when I had a meltdown too.
    • No, this is my "I hated my last hair cut more than anything in the world and I now have time to finally fix it."  My haircut has less to do with a meltdown and more to do with a sudden abundance of time to fill.  I also had a meltdown eye doctor appointment, meltdown two hour massage, meltdown lunch with all my old coworkers, meltdown naps and so much more meltdown related events.  I may get meltdown highlights and possible a meltdown pedicure later.  Plus my new hair cut is super cute and your just jealous.  Also, the old hair cut left me with wild hair in the morning and the new one does not.  Less maintenance, SCORE!

  • It is a great time to start a family.  A baby may be exactly what you need.
    • Not even sure how to respond to this one.  Baby's cost money so when I have the least amount of it, I should start a family?  I need to occupy a couple weeks so I should take on a 20+ year commitment.  I can just imagine talking to this baby in 20 years.  "Well honey, your father and I decided to bring you into this world because mommy lost her job, had nothing to do.  It was an emotional time for mommy and we decided a baby would fix it all.  Thanks for fixing everything honey, we couldn't have done it without you."  I will admit that I did mention to The Smooch "I'm bored, let's have a baby.  It will entertain me so you won't have too."  But just to be clear, WE ARE NOT HAVING A BABY.  Probably ever.

  • We got a puppy.
    • Guess we are moving on from me.  Not that we need to talk about me but it would be nice if you had at the very least acknowledged what I said, said something nice and then moved on.  Example:  "You lost your job, that's awful.  By the way, I got a new puppy."

  • I found you these entry level positions that are not in your field.  You should apply.
    • Wow thanks.  Thanks for thinking that after 10 years in the same industry that I may want to be an administrative assistant.  Hells to the no.

  • I don't think I'll come to your happy hour.  I feel like all we'll talk about is you.
    • Wow, thanks.  This is in no way a happy hour for or about me.  I organized the happy hour for a group of like minded people.  I may not even know half of the people there. But thank you for thinking that I was so conceded that I may want to talk about nothing but me.
My new wardrobe.  Sweatpants and slippers.

Some of the people who said these things to me may be reading this blog right now.  I promise not to be offended by the stupid thing you said to me if you promise not to be offended that I wrote about it.  Deal?  Kisses!

What are some of your favorite awkward things that people have said to you in difficult times?  Tell me some doozies so I can feel better about my experiences!